I appear to have contracted Tan’s disease. It first occurred in Seychelles, where I was bitten by something foul. I also keep getting lumps on either side of my forehead.

Rio slurping from my glug pot. He’s not pretending to enjoy it: he loves it. Nor does he appear to mind me looking as though I have been sharpening a lawnmower with my head.

Uncle O:

Planting broad beans at St James’:

Sunderland supporter: