I discovered a new kind of pain the other day when I inadvertently stepped on a nail while perambulating around the vegetable garden. It was buried amongst some hedge prunings. The nail penetrated the feeble sole of my fake crocs, bore through my foot’s leathery outer tissue, and sank itself deep into my instep.

Close scrutiny will reveal the top two thirds of the nail cleansed of rust, which might account for the raised red nature of the wound, and the curious crablike motion I now have to make when ‘walking’.