For peace of mind, I recommend going to the Tokyo branch of Boots, where you can utilise, for a coin of the realm, their patented BMI machine. This device weighs you, measures you, and, with you gripping its high tech, stainless steel ‘antlers’,  analyses how speedily electric currents pass through your body – specifically, your fatty tissues – and delivers its verdict in the form of a small docket.

Mine stated my approximately 13.5 stone frame was composed of 40% fat. That’s more than five stone of blubber. Checking what this meant online, I deduced I was lucky to be alive, being obese to the point of immobility.