Someone just sent me this email. Believe it or not, I had the phone in my hand to call you to check whether you had entrusted your funds to one of these banks …

“Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the banking problems in the UK, uncertainty has now hit Japan. This morning Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches. Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived. While Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black. Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.”

I was doing a rudimentary clearout of the shed yesterday and came across my venerable Compaq laptop. Clunky and leaden, with its small, innovative, abrasive central nodule for navigation, it cost, as I recall, well in excess of £1000.

As I recall, Billy Bunter anticipated his was going to be in the region of £5; so he spent more than half of that in advance, mostly on fizzy drinks and sticky buns; and he was therefore woefully out of pocket when his uncle’s letter finally arrived with a postal order for a mere £1, along with the admonition to ‘spend it wisely’!

You wouldn’t believe how much it’s been raining here. Thick cloud overhead, sodden underfoot. Joe and I are currently planting Kale in mud and covering it with shredded fleeces recovered from the ‘field’.

The way the pound is sliding against the yen, you might not be able to buy much with the Catholic windfall. A more prudent course of action could be to maximise yen earning potential at a time of sterling weakness, thereby replenishing the base currency coffers in fewer man hours.

As your financial advisor, I strongly suggest seeking the assistance of a man named Shane – or was it Wayne?

Liv on a run:

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