Trying to find my way back to Melbourne Road yesterday, travelling on my bike from the centre of town, I found myself pedalling along the wall. What a pleasant peranbul it was, to be sure, with scenes of ladies in white bowling, cricket players employing the gentle art of watching and waiting, peoples’ back gardens in full bloom, giggling schoolgirls getting out of my way, a couple of matrons pursing their lips, with the cathedral spire always in view. Eventuallly finding myself where I wanted to be, which was near the dhalia beds around New Park Centre, I realised I had done a 350 degree tour, and that I had started off in the wrong direction just a few yards from where I was now.

I’ll never get the hang of the geography of Chichester.

I don’t think he was being gender specific.

A choice piece of wordage from AA Gill today:

“What is it that makes English bodies so spectacularly repellent in the daylight? It isn’t simply the clammy, adipose, maggoty-white flesh, with its zits and lesions and dry, scrofulous craters. It’s the distribution that so noisomely offends. The softly curdled lumps that hang like fungus on beech trees, the swaying underarms, the double nuggets of cheesy flob behind the knees, the exhausted, stretched, who-cares haggis of gut, the shuddering, horrified backsides, with their wrinkled, slippery clefts and creases, the thighs pitted like rain on cold sand — all of it shaped and moulded and bulged by waistbands and straps that were hopeful three years and 4in past.”

Aha.

As all July posts appear to have been deleted, I am handily reminded of an earlier question I asked in June, to which I can now give an authoritative reply.

There are, indeed, Tesco Basic Thongs, available in packs of three, at a ludicrously low price. They are black, and look unutterably repellant. Despite this, I might have bought a set, had the only pack on show not been XXL.

I still can’t get over how dispiritingly craven England’s cricketing display was.

I spent the morning with my shirt off bent double snapping the lower leaves from lots of tomato plants. What’s more, I enjoyed it.

Yesterday afternoon, we cycled to Climping to swim. Needless to say, just before we left, the buttock flasher arrived and lost no time in ‘presenting’ to all and sundry. I’m definitely in the market for one of these male thong thingies he is doing his utmost to popularise. I can’t understand why there isn’t a Tesco Basic model.

Another thing I can’t understand is why gaps between ‘paragraphs’ don’t appear on this blog even though they do when drafting entries.