What the doctors don’t tell you

Posted on 30/04/2009 by dodman

For peace of mind, I recommend going to the Tokyo branch of Boots, where you can utilise, for a coin of the realm, their patented BMI machine. This device weighs you, measures you, and, with you gripping its high tech, stainless steel ‘antlers’,Â analyses how speedily electric currents pass through your body – specifically, your fatty tissues – and delivers its verdict in the form of a small docket.

Mine stated my approximately 13.5 stone frame was composed of 40% fat. That’s more than five stone of blubber. Checking what this meant online, I deduced I was lucky to be alive, being obese to the point of immobility.

Dead

Posted on 30/04/2009 by slightly

Jul, have you ever eaten something? You look REALLY thin. I guess that’s what happens if you spend years in a country where everyone is tiny and subsists on 8 bite-sized chunks of rice per day. You should work out your BMI. Mine varies between being a fat thin person and being a thin fat person. Also I have the super power of having a stomach that can actually expand to hold 80 litres. On several occasions I have leant it out to people who have used it as a large rucksack. It has been taken on expeditions to the andes and such places.

Posted on 27/04/2009 by carotte

Those tums are repulsive…though mine is worryingly similar at the moment – Jul could do with a spot of your flab!! Also a trim 🙂 I’ll have a personalized e-mail – not sure what I’ll do with it though. All good here – R and O getting on nicely – fav games are: race round and round the table with respective car/pushy thing until you catch up with the other person and ram their ankles. Get O to hang onto the back of the bobby car, cruise along at a gentle pace then suddenly charge off so he bites the dust – strangely enough O loves this game!! Try and ride billson – a never ending challenge. Tackling – this works better when Geoff is here to ref the game, though O has got a pretty strong head. O has some good forms of defence though – Scream as loud as possible when R head his way to snitch a toy – bite and hang on when R pushes/tackles/sits on him. Legs it – he’s getting pretty nippy now.

After a jolly bit of unblocking the loo, (as I’m not too encouraging about playing in the toilet, they see that as a general invite to fill the loo with whatever comes to hand as quickly as possible, and to ram it down with the toilet brush before I get there – they are pretty sneaky as Rio can open the door now, but they give themselves away by cackling as they stuff!!)it’s now time for bed here.