At the Test, a commentator mentioned that Mick Jagger was in the crowd, looking “like a naan bread that’s been left in the sun for three days”.

This reminded me of an anecdote I’d heard. While attending a party one evening, the jazz singer George Melly was introduced to Rolling Stones frontman Mick Jagger. “I didn’t expect you to have so many wrinkles,” Melly remarked. “They’re not wrinkles,” Jagger declared. “They’re laughter lines.” “Really,” Melly replied. “Surely nothing could be that funny.”

On the bright side, you won’t have to drive in the heat of the day when everyone else in France is on the road because it’s a holiday.

I’m racking my brains to find a way around the drill not being quite long enough. If you can’t risk making the holes in the sheet when it is away from Bertha, maybe the only solution is to buy or borrow a longer drill bit. I’ll look out for one.

WE HAD PLANNED TO GO CAMPING IN BERTHA LAST WEEKEND, BUT WHEN GEOFF TRIED TO GET THE POWER DRILL FROM WORK, THEY HAD ALL BEEN BOOKED OUT. AS WE NEEDED THIS TO DRILL THROUGH THE METEL PLATE TO PUT UNDER RIO’S SEAT IN THE VAN, WE HAD TO POSPONE THE TRIP TO THIS WEEKEND. NOT MEANT TO BE AS NICE BUT STILL A 4 DAY WEEKEND.

GEOFF GOT THE DRILL FROM WORK BUT EVERY EVENING IT WAS TOO DARK BY THE TIME WE HAD GOT RIO AND ORLANDO IN BED TO SCRABBLE ROUND UNDER THE VAN. WE COULD HAVE TRIED WITH A TORCH BUT DIDN’T MUCH FANCY THAT. NO PROBLEM WE THOUGH, WE’LL JUST DO IT ON THE WED NIGHT AND LEAVE FIRSTH THING THUR….

GEOFF TRIED TO DRILL THROUGH THE PLATE SO THAT WE HAD ONE HOLE READY FOR THE MORROW – HORROR. THE BLASTED THING DIDN’T DO THROUGH AT ALL. POSSIBLY DRILL BIT IS BLUNT OR DRILL NOT CHARGED WE THOUGH. NEW PLAN, GET ANOTHER DRILL BIT IN THE MORNING, TEST IT AND WHEN IT WORKS FINE TAKE OUT SEAT ECT…

AFTER A RAFRESHING NIGHTS SLEEP WE HAD COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT IT MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN THE CORRECT DRILL BIT (BACKED UP BY DOD E-MAIL!) GEOFFS LATERAL THINKING NOT BEING WHAT IT COULD BE, HE HAD BEEN TRYING TO DRIKL THROUGH IT WITH A WOOD DRILL! METEL DRILL BIT SHOT THROUGH THE FIRST HOLE NO PROBLEM.

ALL SYSTEMS GO! WE PACKED SOME THINGS INTO THE VAN, I WASHED UP AND DID LAST MINUTE STUFF WHILE GEOFF LOOSENED ALL THE BOLTS. GOT ORLANDO TO SLEEP, RIO WONDERING ROUND IN THE VAN. BY THIS TIME BOTH OF US ARE READY TO GO AND CHEERFULLY EXPECTING TO BE OFF IN THE NEXT HOUR OR SO. ME IN THE VAN AND GEOFF UNDER IT, WE GET THE SEAT OFF NO PROBLEMS – RIO HELPING HAPILY THE WHILE. GEOFF SLIDES UNDER WITH THE PLATE TO HOLD IT UNDER THE VAN, AND I GET READY WITH THE DRILL. GIVE IT AN EXPERIMENTAL GO. LOUD PROTESTS FROM RIO ABOUT THE ‘DAMASHINE’ SO WE TRY THE TV AS A DITRACTION WHILE WE DRILL THE HOLES. LEGG IT BACK INTO THE VAN AND POCK THE DRILL THROUGH….. IT DOESN’T GO THROUGH FAR ENOUGH TO GO THROUGH THE PLATE. SLIGHT DENT IN BONHOMIE BY NOW BUT NO PROBLEM WE THINK, JUST MARK THE HOLES OUT AND DILL THEM OUTSIDE. A BELLOW FROM THE HOUSE INDICATES ORLANDO HAS WOKEN. LEG IT IN AND PROP HIM UP INFRONT OF BEAUTY AND THE BEAST (RIO HAS LOST INTEREST BUT IS PLAYING WITH HIS TRAINS SO ALL’S GOOD).

WE MARK OUT THE HOLES BY DRILLING A SMALL MARK WITH THE TIP OF THE DRILL BIT WHICH POKES THROUGH. RATHER OVERENTHUSIASTICALLY GEOFF DRILLS TWO HOLES. NATURALLY THESE DON’T CORRESPOND WITH THE HOLES UNDER THE VAN. BONHOMIE NOW COMPLETELY GONE…

DECIDE TO BOLT ONE HOLE IN – THE BOLT WON’T EVEN GO THROUGH THE METEL PLAT. OBVIOUSLY DRILL AT A VERY SLIGHT DIFFERENT ANGLE. BELLOW FROM THE HOUSE FROM ABANDONNED CHILDREN. CURSING FREELY NOW, ME QUESTIONING THE POINT OF GOING ECT. CHEER CHILDREN UP. SIT BOTH IN VAN WHILE WE PUT THE SEAT BACK ON. DECIDE TO GO ANYWAY WITHOUT PLATE – RIO ISN’T THAT HEAVY. EVERYTHING IS IN THE VAN NOW. SHUTTERS CLOSED. LOCKED UP. ORLANDO IN VAN ASLEEP. RIO SNUGGLED INTO HIS SEAT WITH HIS BOTT. GEOFF IN. ME BEHIND TO DIRECT. NOTHING HAPPENS….

I WALK ROUND THE VAN TO FIND GEOFF LOOKING NOT A LITTLE DEFLATED. BERTHA’S BATTERY IS COMPLETELY FLAT. ALL ENTHUSIASME WHICH HAS BEEN RECULTIVATED AFTER THE SEAT SET BACK NOW COMPLETELY VANISHES. RIO INSIDE ASLEEP. ME SULKING IN THE HAMMOCK. GEOFF TRYING TO WORK OUT HOW LONG HIS NEW BATTERY CHARGER WIL TAKE TO CHARGE BERTHAS MAMMOTH BATTERY.

ALL IN ALL, NOT THE WAY I WAS HOPING TO SPEND THE FIRST DAY OF THE WEEKEND.
MAYHAPS A GLUG WILL HELP….

Is there no end to the properties of this humble product?

“When I feel the first tingle of a cold sore I put peroxide on it and I don’t remember the last time I actually has a cold sore that fully developed.”

Having laid on a coat of sealer, followed by two coats of paint, followed by another coat of sealer, thicker this time, and another two coats of paint, and then yet another coat of paint, which has left a slightly less violently yellow stain than before, I came across this gem, online:

“Fill a spray bottle with diluted peroxide (2 to 1 with water). Spray the stained area. Allow the area to dry. You may have to do this twice to remove the stain entirely.”

So, curing all known lurgies isn’t the only thing that magical liquid can do.

I met your neighbours as I was leaving this morning. They asked if I was your new tenant. I explained who I was, and Anne nodded, looking pained, saying she thought she remembered me. Probably, she had had a fleeting mental glimpse of me hammering the final nails into the treehouse this time last year!

wasn’t sure if you would recieve photos from my phone. neat. ill send more and better ones