my god. who the hell are those people in that kew garden photo?! it looks like an extract from some sort of demonic nightmare. it enough to make me bring up my lunch. and whats with my hair? why is it pink? insane. my hair at the momant is a crisp gold. i would have sent my photos to day, but i forgot to bring them with me.
when i saw the picture i let out an insane cackle of loughter, and now people are looking.

as spoken by liv: “Germans have no sense of humour.” i shall now have to fly back to england and kill you with your own shoes. yesterday i loughed so hard that i hurt my stomac quite badly. one day i shall recount the tale of the “bonecarver”, and lo, you to will be cleansed.
this tennis extravaganza sound a bit “hot damn” to me.

tan, i change my flight to the 31st, i hope this meets with your aproval. in fact people are urgeing me to stay evan longer. can you possibly answer the question i have posed many times before. DO YOU HAVE GAI-JIN?!

not much has happened in the last few days becouse i have been working in what seems to be an entirly new level of hell.

the tenth level of hell-orange wood.

an all pervading stench of year old armpit serounds you, demons continually belch garlic breath into you face. poisen is in thick blinding clouds in the air, choking you and making you eyes bleed. the “poor” suffer in this level, eternaly moving to the will of an overseer and aloud no respite. carcogen roam this circle, ever serching with their flaming eyes.

i didn’t like this much so i quit today. huzah! i feel like a new man.

right i am off to gather more fruit from the everlasting money tree known as a “bank” and unto the super market i shall go. tonight i shall craft a meal of such splender as to send the taster insane with delight. not a bad thing i say.

julio

aha! the code was writen on a piece of paper in his car which was some distance away on the beach, thus rendering it unaccesable.

went to the citrus club(the high spot of kerikeri) last night and had a very jolly time with my chums. i wont reviel the fascinating details as it might compramise our agents in the field.

all i shall say is that i will personaly cleft in twain anybody that states that germans have no sense of humor. every german i have met is a comic genius. and the alchohol consumed consisted of the following: five shot of sambuka, two of tequila,two jim beams and a cocktail. for some bizare reason this did not make me very drunk. i put it down to the fact that i was wearing my enchanted leather jacket, which protects me against all manner of ills.

i just read todays penny arcade. hahahaha!!!

julio

hello.
i believe i will have my ird number shortly. shane the bloke in charge of the hostel is sorting it out for me.

liv: possibly you should try inserting a few crisp notes into your hand before shaking his.

i’m not to fussed on palaces, tan. so i won’t mind scipping the cultural stuff. the place i am interested in is a colosine electronic store recomended by dave(chap who went to thailand.) were you can pick up top quality imitation goods for little or no money. rock on i say.

yesterday we went fishing again. we went to a private beach that takoya(a nice japanese guy-looks a lot like jacky chan)some how had gained the code to open the gate. it was a nice beach with a shelted lagoon accesable by crossing a river cutting through the beach. the sun was shining a a few of us lolled on the beach wilst the others went out to the rocks to fish. but we had little luck. only three fish. the rest had to be thrown back as they were to small or pregnant. it was very windy outside the lagoon and the sea was very rough, so i think that had somthing to do with it. after a bit it began to get dark so we decided to head back to the van. as we were walking i fell back with annika as she was having trouble walking on the boulders in the dark and i had my head torch.(this is a usefull device, by god. i have used it constentacously) “imagine if that stream is to high to cross” i quipped with my ready wit. “haha” she loughed. “haha” i chortled. we rounded a pile of boulders. and lo, the was no river. it had been swollowed by the tempetues sea which covered all the land between us and the car. it was high tide and we were doomed. “er…were is the river?” i asked gaping like a lackwit. “were are the others?” she enquied. looking around wildly at the sinester darkness i waved the torch around vaugly, cursing the way my petzl torch has no range whatsoever. we waited a few minutes then we saw the others coming along the shore which went of in the oposite direction to the van. “we have a problem.” said christian. after a short debate we decided to try and make the crossing. takoya took point and the rest of us followed in a group so we could use the petzl to see the way. the current was strong and the going slippery, when were up to our thighs takoya called a halt. i waded out to were he stood. “its too dangerous!” he said shaking his head. he had reached the river bed and the water would have been up to our necks if we had entered it. we retreated back to shore. we decided to circle around the bay, though it looked like miles it was our only option. iether that or go back to the beach and light a fire or something. we set of along the shorline every step taking us further away from the van. that morning i had picked up my petzl considered not taking it, then tossing it in the bag “just in case”. good joss! no one else had a torch we would have been pretty screwed. we treked through weird spongy grass which rose above our heads and throud dence forest. “has anyone seen the blair witch project” caroline said grinning. we all loughed nervously, looking about us at the unplesant twisted trees. our goal was a house we had seen in the distance, from the shore. there we planned to ask directions. upon reaching this house, we poused outside the gate. christian and caroline who had clearly seen far to many horror movies, suggested that the owners would A: eat us. B:kill then eat us. C: set there ferocous hounds on us. we decided to wait outside the gate and call, so as not to “startle” the clearly psychotic residents. we yodeled a bit, but there was no answer. the house looked disturbingly like a hillbilly house with a front porch, curtains blowing in the wind that sort of stuff. as we began to supect that the residents had been murdered and a knife wielding maniac was waiting for one of us to go in to investigate, someone apered at a window. “er…hello?” this woman said peering into the darkness. “over here? we shouted “ahh” she said.”come on up.” so we did. this lady was most kind, and after hearing our plight offered to give us all a lift back. we all piled into her car, an amazing construct from the sixtys, and pootled away. as we drove i realised how insanly far we were from the van we were, it would have taken us most of the night to walk there. upon reaching the gate to the beach, it seemed that takoya had forgoten the code. “you will have to go and ask at the farmhouse over there” the lady said looking at me. “ahh” i said. “i don’t think they have a dog.” she said in a light airy way which i disliked. seeing as no one else was leaping out and takoya was still prodding away at the keypad ,trying to get the code by pure chance, i got out,into a puddle, jumped over a few fences tryied to avoide the cowpats and came to the farmhouse. some one was waiting there. “hello!” i called. “4186E!” she called back. thanks i said, and without futher ado went back to the car. after the gate the road was pretty bad, it sounded as though some was going at the bottom of the car with a massive cheese grater. just before we reached the beach, the car conked out, and we had to free weel the rest of the way. it seemed a rock had torn something vital under the car. we gave the lady a lift back to the car and thanking her prefusly went home.

misadventure!!!!

well i have to stop now as i have been online for a long time.

as i suspected.
Sixth Level of Hell – The City of Dis

——————————————————————————–

You approach Satan’s wretched city where you behold a wide plain surrounded by iron walls. Before you are fields full of distress and torment terrible. Burning tombs are littered about the landscape. Inside these flaming sepulchers suffer the heretics, failing to believe in God and the afterlife, who make themselves audible by doleful sighs. You will join the wicked that lie here, and will be offered no respite. The three infernal Furies stained with blood, with limbs of women and hair of serpents, dwell in this circle of Hell.

julio

haha! epic pictures dod.
yo tan, hows about i meet you in three weeks time, as i am having a lot of fun here. my friends here are so amazingly nice i cant bare to part with them for the momant. tell geoff to start throwing his wieght about. dirk struin wouldn’t take such insolence from the natives lying down, nor would tyler brock for that matter. if he had said in a commanding voice “take us to town, or by god i will break you in half!” all the while fixing them with a balefull “godzilla” like stare, it would have had the desired result. reading shogun. rather good. what price gai jin?

mama i will send the negertives when i finnish my third camera.(a new one i bourt here that had panaramic options) shall i also send my cd’s? they have been hanging around in my badger bag for yonks. perhaps dod can manipulate them onto the computer and post some. the second batch of pictures looks quite good if i say so my self.
the work is pretty hellbane, yesterday it was nasty- 8.30-7.45. the going rate was we thought $9.50, but we don’t know for sure. someone said it might be $8.50. we will find out. turns out that tax is 20%, but of course if you don’t have a speacial IRD number than tax is 41%, nasty. am trying to get the number as we speak. there is some talk of getting the tax back at some point, but i don’t have a clue how this is done. i presume i need a bank account so i will go to westpacktrust(a bank) and get one soon.
i think i will continure to work for a while, though it crushes my spirit. the only thing making it bairable is that i am working with friends.

then mayhap i will go aroung northland for a bit. can i change my flights that i don’t have to fly back from kerikeri to auckland, as it seems a bit pointles?

verily

julio

gods blood! went on to nationwide and all my accounts have disapered! the hell??? i will have to use halifax which costs me an arm and a leg! aaaaaaagh! can you check it out dod?

tan: i met an isreili girl who has been to thailand and a word of advice. if you go on a bus and a form is passed around for you name and pastport number, do not take out your pastport, write a phone number or something instead. the bus minions want to see were you keep your pasport, so that they can steal it when you go to sleep.
re: dods saps post. that is as nothing to what my sources tell me. acording to them peoplel drug your drinks then when you are asleep, cut you up and steel your kidneys. nice.

so yeah…i was like “woah!” after a while and with relief i realised it was not christian. the people did cpr for 15 untill the ambulance came. i didn’t know at the time but he had no pulse, so cpr would not work. he was dead and i had talked to him not 24 hours ago. its hard to decribe what it was like. it made me think. meh.

a few days ago caroline, christian, dipti(three of the frendliest people ever. so cool.), dave(refreshingly english), andy(so funny), annika(lovely) and I went to the beach.

caroline, christian and dipti went to the beach first in the morn to start fishing for our lunch. the rest of us turned up at midday. andy’s car, a converted mini van with a bed in the back, had a bit of trouble with what was the worst road ever. so many pot hole that it was impossible to avoid them. so we didn’t. with a chuckle andy would speed towards them. there is somthing almost painfull about the crunch sound of the bottom of a car being torn apart.

we arrived at the beach, it was slightly overcast but nice. in the distance we could see caroline and christian standing atop some rocks, casting away. dipti did not fish becouse she is a vegetarian. i raced over and was astound by the pile of fish they had court so far. two largish ons that looked like parrot fish and three smaller spiny ones. caroline asked if i would like to try. needles to say i was completely cack handed, iether casting too early or too late. caroline leapt up to the rock to show me how it was done, and no sooner had she cast, when some thing took the bait. she reeled it in and my word it was a stunning looking fish, the length of my forarm and hand. she flipped it ashore and quickly grabbing a knife, drove it into the brain of the fish. blood everywere. this is the best way apparently. no blood int the flesh. a plesent afternoon was spent, a few more fish were court, none by me sadly. before it got dark we scoured the beach for drift wood, and ammassed quite a pile. dave dug a pit and started a fire in it. while caroline and i gutted the fish, no one else being very keen. as we were working a guy come in on a boat he looked as though he was fishing all day. as he drove past townig his bout away he called out and asked us if we would like some snapper(a fish) we said we already had some, but he insisted. he also asked if we smoked weed, caroline and christians eyes lit up, and he gave them a hanfull. hammer caroline kept repeating, which means “cool” in german. rest assured that i did not partake of said narcotics. when the fire was going well we rapped the fish and a load of potatosin tin foil and chucked them in. to begin with we messed around with sticks and trypod and stuff, but it was pointles the fish cooked ifne just lieing in the flames. as you know hunger makes the best souce so the fish and chared potatos were delicouse. the rest of the evening was spent lieing in front of the fire. unfortunatly we couldm’t sleep at the beach as annika, dave and i didn’t have our sleeping bags with us. caroline, christian and dipti had a minivan like andys which all three travel and sleep in. so they took us back to the hostel. to my suprise it was only 9.30 it felt like 1.00 in the morning. no early night for me, annika and i sat talked well into the next day. jolly memories i shall tresure.

julio

tan and geoff.

do not sell Gai-jin. it is the next in the asian saga, and i must read it. james clavel is possably the best writer ever. after finnishing noble house i wished that there was a sequal, and lo, there are two! epic series spanning five books. liv- gor forth and buy them, they are just being reprinted. best books ever!